Itachi's First War
by Steamy-x
Summary: Itachi's first PRANK war, that is. In the Akatsuki, everyone's usually uptight and evil. However Leader's decided a new amend: a prank war. Having no knowledge or recollection of said activity, Itachi's the undermine of everyone's giggles and whatnot. [UNEDITED]


All but a few of the S-ranked criminals cheered along to Leader's ludicrous idea of a prank war. The idea seemed, rather, out of character, and, although insane, potentially pointed to the obvious signs of Tobi being the organization's _true_ leader. Regardless, the more fun-loving group members practically bounced at the idea, specifically Deidara as his palms had already begun manifesting the explosive clay into odd shapes and sizes.

Pranks were foreign objects to Itachi. He knew it had something to do with forcing a pie into someone's face, but besides the obvious, he was utterly clueless. It didn't surprise him much to find a bucket of water resting on his door frame when he opened the door, drenching his freshly dried clothes. However, humiliation wasn't some he knew the exact principles of, either. So, needless to say, he plotted.

For nearly half the day, he sat in his bed and read multiple scrolls regarding humor and antics. Itachi nodded as if he understood the meaning behind the words he read and forgot.

His partner came in the room with a signature grin and handed him a glass of water, claiming he'd become bed ridden without proper nutrition. That moment and time would mark Itachi's last time accepting a cold glass from anyone as a baby shark jumped from the liquid and clamped down on his tongue. He let out a strangle gasp as he tried to pry the miniature beast off. Kisame laughed and left the room.

Clearing his throat, Itachi managed to remove the dreaded animal from his bloody tongue and toyed with the thick substance whilst reading more from the, so far, unhelpful scroll.

Long, tedious moment passed, and he still had yet to figure out how to understand the concept of 'joy buzzers' or 'fake puke.' None of it appealed to him.

A quick knock sounded at his door, and he appreciated the small distraction.

Deidara came in with a grim face, his eyes downcast. "Itachi."

Said ninja laid down his scroll and gave his attention to the blond before him. He made sure he didn't seem too interested, as he had other, dare he say, important business to attend to.

"Sasori ridiculed my art, hm." Deidara tilted his head, his eyebrows knit together. "You don't think the same thing, do you?"

The Uchiha decided not to answer and returned to his duties regarding the stale scroll.

"Hey, hm!" he said. "I shouldn't have asked someone as smug and _lame_ as you. Why did I even need someone else's opinion on _my_ art? There's nothing wrong with it, hm. Here, have this. Maybe it'll make you cool."

Itachi caught a disfigured spider and squinted. He'd seen the shape and color before. _Somewhere_. His memory was never dull, it was usually nail sharp. For some reason, when it came to Deidara's art, his mind paused. He couldn't put his finger on it, so he went and assumed they fought once before, having seen the same arachnid way back when.

He held the clay in both hands, legs crossed on his bed. The art itself wasn't magnificent, but whatever took his mind away from busying himself with pranks and whatnot, he didn't mind its exact being. When he heard a familiar shout from behind the door, however, his mind clicked.

"Katsu!"

Instead of the explosion he expected, an eruption of wet mud coated his face, hands and mouth. He clenched his teeth together and sighed. There was nothing else to anticipate from the rowdy bunch of S-ranked criminals. His hand stopped itself from reaching the bathroom doorknob. For all he knew Kisame could have tampered with the water system. Or worse, change the water streams into deadly sharks.

Itachi shook his head at his laughable thinking, grabbed a pair of fresh clothes, and turn the shower as hot as he could stand it. The muck from Deidara's shenanigan clogged the drain, leaving the rest of the dirt and grime to pool around his ankles. He tried to shake the remnants away, but they held on tight. His wet and slippery hands held on to the shower rod, attempting to keep himself level as the floor became greasy.

His eyes widened as the rod snapped from his hold and drenched him in the unsanitary stench and disgust of mud and dirt and grime and more stench. The shower head threw heavy drills on his face as he climbed to his feet on the slimy terrain. Itachi went to the ground one more but made sure to grasp a hold of the showerhead before tumbling. The water piled together in his palms and grew hotter and hotter, forcing him to snatch his hand away and for the water to gush him dead-on in the eye.

He screamed, to say the least.

Itachi didn't react much after that. Simply wiping the crud away with a towel and ambling back inside his room.

His doorknob rattled and opened the moment he slipped a shirt over his bruised chest, due to his careless slipping and sliding in the shower.

"I heard noise, so I can as soon as possible." Konan glanced around the room. "What happened in here?"

Mud stained the wall behind his bed and the sheets to go with. Itachi closed his eyes. "Nothing."

Konan gave a knowing smile. "So no one tried to prank you yet?"

Itachi stared.

"I guess not." She turned to leave but stopped to say one more thing. "I hope you didn't plan on taking a shower."

"Why?"

Konan sighed and shook her head. "Hidan's taken this too far. He replaced the water with his… urine. Luckily I warned you before anything could happen."

The Uchiha shuddered, and then shuddered again, holding his forehead and swaying too far over. He landed in his bed, fortunately, but his head and eyes spun. Neither of the two matched in coordination, and his energy took a sick turn, his stomach recoiling and releasing over the bedspread.

"Itachi-san?" she said, but her voice came as distorted and choppy.

His eyes strained to focus on her physique as she dashed to his side.

"Don't tell me you drank what Kisame gave you?"

"Why?" he whispered, but he wasn't asking for clarification. _Him_ : The victim of incoming jeers and horseplay.

Konan held his wrist, running her thumb over his pulse. "Sasori decided to partner up with Kisame, and I'm guessing they spiked your drink. Sorry."

He fell asleep, and a single thought passed his mind. _I hate everyone._

 **The ending is TERRIBLE, I know. But if I were to drag the story on any longer, it'd become tedious, as Itachi would say, and lame, as Deidara would say.**

 **Also this is my first FF, so please go easy in the review section ^^;**


End file.
